Vauxhall have confirmed that they will be launching a Fiat 500 and Mini-rivalling city car. Now, I do like the current crop of Vauxhalls. I like the Corsa and love the Corsa VXR, the new shape Astra and the lovely new Astra GTC. I also like the Insignia, it’s a good-looking car, too. The names are generally acceptable, too. Well they were, until that is I’d realised they’d be calling the new city car the Adam.
Now, as I’m sure you are aware, Vauxhalls are simply rebadged Opels and are essentially the British arm of General Motors. Nowhere outside the UK will you find a Vauxhall – in Europe and Ireland they are Opels, in the US the Astra is rebadged as a Chevrolet and in Australia they’re Holdens. So, while I understand the Opel version being named Adam (after founder of Opel, Adam Opel) I really cannot understand why they’ve decided to keep the Adam for the name for the Vauxhall variant.
I have prattled on about stupid car names before, but I think the Vauxhall Adam is an incredibly stupid name. I can just see it now, a group test in Auto Express between the Vauxhall Adam, the Ford Gary, the Hyundai Trevor and the Volkswagen Klaus. News item from the same issue informs us of the launch of two new Hondas, the George and Mildred, the new Terry and June from Kia and a long-term test of the Fiat Giovanni.
Having done some more “research” on the old interweb I have found some other stupid names. Ladies and gentlefolk, please be seated and enjoy the following.
Toyota Deliboy – It’s a van, but not a shitty yellow Reliant you plonker! It’s not very good at making sandwiches either.
Honda Life Dunk – Is it a new form of biscuit, or is it just implying that your life is nothing more than something that is dipped into a cup of tea? Hmmmm….
Nissan Prairie Joy – There is no joy in this car at all. It is vile in the same way that so is Little House on the Niss… er Prairie.
Nissan Big Thumb Harmonised Truck – WHAT?????????????????????????????????????
Toyota Synus – Sinus pains generally are far more appealing than Toyotas. My sinus pains also appear to stop better than a Toyota too.
Suzuki Van Van – This is, ironically, a motorcycle.
Daihatsu Rugger Field Sports Resin Top – Indeed
Isuzu MU – Doesn’t seem so bad until you realise that MU stands for Mysterious Utility. In fact its full moniker is Isuzu Wizard Mysterious Utility
Daihatsu Applause – Could have been worse, could have been called the Daihatsu Clap.
Mitsubishi Chariot Grandis Super Exceed GDi – Not sure what it exceeds at, except its stupid name.
Renaultsport Mégane 230 Renault F1 Team R26 – Nice car, long winded name.
Toyata Corolla II Super Windy – Does that refer to car or driver?
Citroen BX Cottage – Unfortunate
Well, that wraps up one truly dire blog entry from yours truly. I’m sure there will be more rehashed, recycled nonsense on car names in the near future!
Ebay is both fantastic and the absolute bane of my life in one fowl swoop. I’ve sold so much stuff on there, I’ve lost count. Other than the couple of cars I’ve part-exchanged, I’ve used eBay successfully to sell my motors when I’m done with them. I’ve bought a few from there and both car and eBay on these occasions have done me proud. Having said that, though, strangely the last car I bought I used a social networking site that will remain Facebook and we’ll call nameless.
Where it’s the bane of my life is late at night where the boredom sets in and I have to go looking through the Classic car category. Now, I’m sure I’m not the only bloke that goes on eBay late at night and clicks onto the Cars category to look what’s around. Luckily I don’t drink often as if I did, my garden would have to be converted into a car park, I’d be in serious debt and my wife would have taken our child and buggered off. Or killed me, whichever would work out more convenient. Now, as I’m sure my one reader will vouch for, I’m quite partial to slightly unorthodox cars. Or as I’ve been told, unorthodox is another word for “fucking crap”.
I’ve made a list of my favourite eBay motors that if I’d had a lottery win I’d rip the seller’s arm off for. Keep your Ferrari, Astons and Lamborghinis, for there is a Talbot Samba on the list. No, really! Just don’t expect me to explian why I find a small French shopping car more interesting than a supercar.
1983 Talbot Samba 1360 GLS, one owner and 11,000 miles from new, in red.
1984 Citroen Visa 11RE Convertible, in red.
Another Visa 11RE from 1984 but a hatchback and in blue
1990 Lancia Dedra 1.6
1971 Mini Clubman Estate in orange, 12,000 miles from new
1980 Escort RS2000 in red
1984 Talbot Alpine S in blue
1980 Austin Maxi 2 1750 HL in blue, less than 40,000 miles. Yes I do quite like these!
1983 Fiesta XR2 in white
1984 Sierra XR4i, white
1991 VW Corrado G60
1985 Lancia Beta Coupe
Late Ford Capri 280 Brooklands
Peugeot 504 2.7 V6 Pininfarina Coupe
1983 Fiat 127 1300 GT in burnt orange
1990 Fiat Uno Turbo i.e in grey
1986 Alfa 33 Green Cloverleaf, mostly red!
1981 Golf MK1 GTi in red.
That’s just the last week! Previous stuff I’ve seen on eBay I’d quite happily give garage space to include a 1981 Citron GSA, 1992 Fiat Tipo 16v, 1985 Renault 11 GTX, 1990 Citroen XM 2.0, Fiat Strada Abarth 130TC, Alfa 155 Silverstone, Lancia Thema 8.32, Mk1 Astra GTE, Opel Manta, and another Samba – the convertible.
You see, most of these cars aren’t of any interest to most people. Unless, you’re probably thinking, a complete moron with a strange taste in cars. What they offer, to me, is (except the Golf GTi) something a little different. Something outside the box. I’d rather have any of the cars in the lists above than anything new on sale today. Or indeed, a Ferrari.
This is the first in a series I intend to keep up and write about and will probably never actually get around to, well, keeping up. I intend to write about some of my favourite albums. When I mean write, I mean waffle on endlessly like I normally do and the material within will be of no interest to any living being at all. So, with that in mind, I shall continue.
There are albums that are accepted as being some of the greatest albums of all time. I agree with most of them to be honest and some I think should be included. Some of what I write about won’t neccessarily be brilliant, revolutionary albums. They’ll just be the ones I like the most. This issue deals with an album that slipped under just about everyone’s radar. The album is Home, Terry Hall’s debut solo album. This is an album that upon release gained lots of critical acclaim but alas stalled in the charts. But if sky-high melodies, towering choruses and jangly guitars are your bag, which they are mine, then pray read on.
Now, most people know Terry Hall as co-front man of The Specials and The Fun Boy Three, then onto The Colourfield and then part-time collaborator with the Lightning Seeds. He has done so much more than that, but it’s Terry’s involvement with the Lightning Seeds that interests me the most and it set the scene for this album. Terry’s involvement began with the Lightning Seeds during the recording of the 1992 album Sense. Ian Broudie, chief Lightning Seed, had cited Terry as one of his favourite lyricists and requested to work together. Terry co-wrote a few numbers on the album one of which, the title track, became a top forty single. Terry even made a cameo appearance in the video. Fast forward a couple of years and we see yet more collaborations between Broudie and Hall. Hall co-wrote and sung on what would become Jollification, which included the co-written single “Lucky You”. We also see the recording of Terry’s debut solo album that would become Home.
A band of musicians, which included Ian Broudie on production duties and some guitar work, was assembled. Chris Sharrock (Lightning Seeds) on the Tupperware, Craig Gannon on guitars (The Smiths) and Les Pattinson on bass (Echo and the Bunneymen) provided the noise from the instruments. Add to the mix a select few co-writers such as the aforementioned Broudie and Gannon, but also Nick Heyward (Haircut 100), Andy Partridge (XTC) and Damon Albarn, and the album sounds intruiging.
Essentially, the album is ten (eleven on the 1995 re-release) well-crafted, well polished pop/rock songs. Now pop is a dangerous thing. When done properly, pop is fantastic. However, sometimes pop can turn out to be nothing more than pap. Throwaway nonsense. Thankfully Home is an example of pop music done properly. There’s little in the way of filler. Terry’s voice, which let’s be fair isn’t the most versatile in the business, is on form on this album thanks in large to songs with arrangements that suit his range. The dynamics and production work exceptionally well throughout. Yes it’s a well polished production, but it wouldn’t have worked any other way.
Powerfully kicking the album off is the lead-off single, Forever J. Written about Terry’s ex-partner Jeanette, it’s a highly infectious number and starts the album with a bang. Myself and She Who Must Be Obeyed have kind of nabbed it for ourselves, thanks in part to the lyric “She’s a bee with honeyed thighs, a living hell, a slice of heaven”. We’ve often joked about that. What’s more she’s called Jayne which is handy, quite frankly. Watch the promo video for the single here:
The next song is the first of two co-writes with Ian Broudie. “You” features an unmistakable Broudie guitar to introduce proceedings, and the song also features my favourite lyric of the entire LP. “If ifs and ands were pots and pans, you’d be a kitchen.” The next Broudie co-write comes next in the form of Terry’s version of Sense which is, if I’m honest, a better version. It’s a bit heavier and more guitar based than Broudie’s original even though Broudie’s presence can be heard quite distinctly on this. Watch the promo for the single here:
No No No and First Attack of Love are as good pop songs you’ll find on a record anywhere, and I Drew A Lemon is worth a listen if not for the lyrical content alone. Moon On Your Dress slows proceedings down a little, but plods along nicely with a bouncy bass line courtesy of Les Pattinson, galvanised as ever by Chris Sharrock’s drumming.
My favourite moment on the whole album must be track eight. Grief Disguised As Joy remains the most played song from the album. When I bought the album back in 1996, it was the song that stood out then and remains the song that sticks out to me now. The song has all the right ingredients. I love the mood, the sound of the guitars, the lyrics and Sharrock’s drumming (as always). It’s just the best song on the album by a country mile. End of.
However as much as I love this album, it isn’t perfect. The original 1994 release just about is, but in 1995 it was re-released with an extra song. A collaboration with Damon Albarn resulted in the song Chasing A Rainbow, which was initially found on the Rainbows EP. It did later find its way onto the reissued version. To be honest, the record company needn’t have bothered and should have kept it as an EP. It’s by far the weakest song and doesn’t really fit with the rest of the songs on the album. And whilst we’re on the subject of weaker songs, What’s Wrong With Me is pleasant. It’s not a bad song, don’t get me wrong, it just doesn’t really get going.
If you’re a Lightning Seeds fan, this album should already be in your collection. If you like well crafted, well performed pop/rock songs, you need a copy of this in your collection. That is if you can get hold of it as it’s long since deleted. It won’t be in your local Tesco. It won’t be in HMV. You’ll need to go to a good second-hand record shop (if there is such a thing still in existance) or look on the internet to find it. Trust me on this though, once you’ve found it, it’s worth it. Not many people really know about it which is a crying shame, as it peaked at 67 in the charts back in 1994.
So, to sum up: Home – pop done properly, and remains one of my favourite and most played albums.
Final rating: 9/10
The Professionals, The Prisoner, The Sweeney, Only Fools and Horses, Minder, The Italian Job, Get Carter. What do these television programmes and films all have in common? No, you’re wrong. They’re amongst my favourites and have all been subjected to or about to be subjected a remake.
Why? We don’t bloody need them! Honestly! The Professionals worked brilliantly as Martin Shaw, Lewis Collins and Gordon Jackson catching the villains screeching around in various rear wheel drive Fords, notably the Capri and RS2000 Escort. Not as some bird, a yank and a pussy Brit driving carefully around in a couple of Datsuns. Likewise with Minder, it worked with “loveable rogue” Arthur Daley played by George Cole and his long-suffering minder Terry McCann played suitably and brilliantly by Dennis Waterman. Hell, he even wrote the theme tune, sung the theme tune. You expected that, right? But the new one? No thanks, I’ll stick with my DVDs of the old series.
The Sweeney with Jack Regan portrayed by good old grouch, the late great John Thaw, cannot be bettered. Especially with Dennis Waterman (again) as his foil character George Carter. “Get your trousers on, son, you’re nicked” and “We’re the Sweeney son, and we haven’t had any dinner” are two of the best lines to eminate from Regan’s orifice. I have every confidence in Ray Winstone and wish him every success, but The Sweeney was a programme of its time and is where should stay in its own original format.
One remake that should never have got the green light is The Prisoner. Never has a programme fucked with my head so much, but in a good way. No programme has ever been a product of its time as much as this. Conceived by a rather smashed Patrick McGoohan (whilst still working on his other programme Dangerman) in the late sixties, it suits the whole psychedelia era and was limited to one series. That was enough. It’s my all-time favourite TV programme. None of it really made sense, it was confusing and the end of the series made you think “What the…” Perfect! So what about the modern remake? Never has a programme fucked with my head, but in such a terrible, spirit crushing manner.
Don’t even mention that God-awful 90s film version of The Avengers. Eeeeeeeek!
The original Italian Job to me is cinematic perfection. Italy. Minis. Old Alfas. Old Alfas being left for dead by Minis in a cheeky English chappy kind of way. An excellent storyline, a great cast and of course Michael Caine and Noel Coward. And the best ending of a film ever. You could make your own mind up as to what happened. The new one, however… Oh dear. It’s an okay film as it is and it has Charlize Theron in it so all is good on that front. But Charlie Croker was a Londoner, not a bloody yank. And it’s just trading on a name, hoping it will sell more. Very little of it is in Italy and they have those massive, quite frankly fucking dreadful, Minis made by BMW. Wasn’t much of a job either. Perhaps if it were just called “The” rather than trading on the name, I’d have liked it more.
Get Carter? Another Michael Caine flick and another of my favourites. Sly Stallone? Next please!
Now the latest culprit is Only Fools and Horses. One of my favourite sitcoms. To be remade for American audiences. Oh dear. I’ve nothing against Americans. I like some of their cars very much. I like the occasional cheese burger. With cheese. I like some of the people very much too. And one of my favourite current TV series (Criminal Minds) is American. But why in the name of all that is holy must they take everything that is good and remake it? What are you going to do to improve on it? You can’t really recreate two brothers who look nothing alike selling cat flaps from a suitcase out the back of a shitty three wheel van (which incidentally is NOT a Reliant Robin, it’s a Reliant Regal Supervan 3) in some grotty Peckham market. We’ve already had the prequel Rock ‘n’ Chips and the bloody awful Green Green Grass spinoff. No more please.
A remake of Red Dwarf, which by the sound of it was so disastrous that the pilot episode remains unaired, was commissioned by the Americans. I shudder at the thought. If you want Red Dwarf, you watch Chris Barrie, Danny John Jules, Craig Charles and Robert Llewellyn. A remake of Fawlty Towers was also commissioned. Not set in Torquay. Without John Cleese. Listen to me: IT WON’T FUCKING WORK YOU BUNCH OF RETARDS!! That was proven as it never went past the pilot episode. There are many, many more.
The same in some instances applies to music. Cover versions are fine if a:) played by a band who is a fan of the song live as a tribute or b:) takes the song and does a totally different take on it. Sampling of certain songs over and over again, largely by hippety-hop artists is getting tedious. Listen hippety-hoppety bluds, innit: You haven’t improved on the original, but instead usually robbed a old song’s best to avert the attention away from essentially the fact that wot you writ is a load of shit.
There are one or two exceptions to the rule. For instance, Jimi Hendrix’ version of All Along The Watchtower is a far, far superior version to Bob Dylan’s original. And I was never a huge Sherlock Holmes fan, but I do like Benedict Cumberbatch in BBC’s new Sherlock.
But on the whole, remakes are something that is causing me a great deal of stress. Why TV bosses cannot commission something new and original rather than try and remake and rehash stuff every five minutes is beyond me. Eight times out of ten, remakes shouldn’t get any further than the mind of the twat that thought it was a good idea to do in the first place. Now fuck off, there’s a good chap / chappess.
It all depends on what you look for in a car as to what purpose it will serve. To me, a car must have a bit of character, bit of soul. A personality. Call it what you will. I’m not a fan of cars that are sold as mere white goods-esque appliances which is why no matter how good they may be, I will never buy something like a Kia or Hyundai by choice. I want something more than just a device that propels you from A to B.
However, my current car is just that. An A to B get me to work and back tool. And that it is kind of what I need at the moment – something that was cheap to buy and run. But I didn’t want to go down the route of a Nissan, as I’ve had a Sunny and an Almera and they are literally the worst cars… in the world! There’s nothing redeeming about them. They are reasonable in everything they do. If they had human equivalents they’d be a chartered accountant called Arthur. So I bought something else.
So, as you may have read in my last post that I bought a boggo-spec, decade old Punto with 92,000 miles on the clock for a tidy sum (much, much less than a grand is all you need to know) as I wanted a runabout. Now friends and colleagues have all speculated that being an old Fiat it will break and implode very quickly. As of this moment (several months and a few thousand miles later) I’m still waiting for that to happen. I’m not superstitious but am touching wood! No, don’t twist it! I meant wood as in… Oh never mind!
Truth be told, it was far from my first choice of cars. I wanted something bigger and more substantial with a bigger engine. A Golf GTi was top of my list, but what I wanted my budget wouldn’t allow me to get a decent example. So after looking at a bunch of highly polished turds, we came across this not-very-polished-at-all turd. And drove it. And bought it.
It was with apprehension that we decided to take the Punto on our family Christmas holiday, but alas with problems with the Corsa being semi-crippled once again, there was no choice. It had a good engine service before going on the holiday, but I think I may have underestimated the car somewhat by filling the glovebox with screwdrivers, ratchets, spanners, cable ties and WD 40. It turns out that the Italian bambino transporter has come into its own and completely won me over. It undertook the journey from near the tail end of Cornwall up to the North East of England in its stride with no hiccups. It was used as the family taxi every day over the Christmas period ferrying the wife, bambino and bambino’s Great Nana, Grandma and Granddad around all around the North East.
Then over the New Year it was over to the North West of England. Cheshire to be precise. Then from there to a night stop over in Gloucester before heading across to Salisbury, with that being the last stop before travelling home. A total of just under 1400 miles and upon the journey home the odometer clicked over to 95,000 miles. And not once did it fail to start, leave us stranded, have anything fall off or need anything fixing. It didn’t use any oil or require any coolant. Am I sure this is a 10 year old Fiat?
It had all kinds of different types of road to contend with. Motorways, main roads, twisty country lanes with twisty cuntrymen driving in front of me, narrow tracks and it gobbled them all up. It averaged around the 48 mpg mark on the motorway and around 38-40 mpg for the rest. The steering feels pretty sharp for one of these and it turns in far better than my Stilo ever did. The gear change is nice and slick and it’s quite lively.
However there are downsides. It’s sparsely equipped. So sparse it doesn’t actually have ANY standard equipment, even the seats were optional. The doors were fitted later, and the dashboard has more blanks than an impotent pensioner. And only having 60 bhp to play with means it’s perplexed by hills. When fully laden with luggage for two adults, a baby and LOTS of Christmas stuff as well as aforementioned adults and baby, it’s quite a bit to ask of a car that has less power than an egg whisk.
So, it got confused by hills, but on the flat it was adequate and down hill, with a prevailing wind and a sail it was literally quicker at 63 mph than the BMW in the slower lane doing 58mph! 0-60 is best not measured as I’m pretty sure wind erosion is quicker. Our Corsa is quicker, but then the Punto has a fully functional reverse gear which the Corsa doesn’t.
To be fair though, this little old snotter of a banger did everything we wanted, and it really did endear itself to me. It got my family and I to where we wanted to go, eventually, and enabled us to have the perfect first Christmas with our son. It has plenty of foibles, but it does the job very well.
What possesses people to do certain things can sometimes have the world’s finest psychiatrists baffled. Generally buying an Italian car rather than one of the more reliable, better built Japanese or German counterparts would indicate a unique mindset. To go one further, anyone buying a decade old Italian car with nearly 95,000 miles on the clock for a very princely sum should be sectioned. So I bought a ten-year old Fiat Punto with 93,000 miles on the clock for a princely sum.
The Punto range was always regarded as being a well specced out car, that is of course if you steered well clear of the poverty-spec, entry-level model, which was advisable to do. So I bought a poverty-spec, entry-level, ten-year old Fiat Punto with 93,000 miles on the clock for a princely sum. I could not any more in that sentence as I have run out of hyphens.
To be fair, the equipment levels aren’t sparse, when compared with, say, the equipment levels of a brick. Standard equipment includes seats, dashboard, wheels, engine… erm… doors, yes, it has doors as well. Five of them, in fact, and they allow you to gain access to the interior of the car in a most convenient manner. It’s been well thought out, really. For example there is a windy thing on each door that allows you to raise and lower the windows. At the same time, it exercises the muscles in your hand, which is excellent thinking on Fiat’s behalf. The other excellent feature is four doors that lock independently of each other. This allows you to get wet in the rain trying to open all the doors, which saves you on showering when you get home. It also allows you to lock the keys in the car, which is an excellent security feature and stops you from losing them.
It drives well, it stops well and up to 70mph it performs well. Past 70mph it’s about as quick as Paris Hilton’s intelligence. 0-60mph takes somewhere in the region of six to ten working days. However, on the flip side it’s as miserly as Scrooge when it comes to fuel consumption. Handling wise, it’s typically Punto. Neutral, safe, quite fun to chuck around the bends but the steering is a tad light.
I have to say though, get a good Punto and it will be a cracking car. I’ve had two previously, both Mk2 Sportings and both were superb and 100% reliable This one also appears to be a highly likeable car. It was pretty much a steal and had a reasonable amount of tax, a near as makes no difference full MOT, immaculate interior, service history and a cambelt change in recent months. It has a few bits that need sorting such as the exhaust system and could do with a good engine service, but these were things reflected in the price. Otherwise it seems exceptionally solid. There are also a few bits and pieces here and there that I want to do to tidy it up in places. Get rid of those black bumpers for instance. Get a decent set of OEM Punto alloy wheels for it when the tyres expire. In five weeks so far, the only thing I’ve had to do to it is repair the wiper linkage which decided to fall apart. The whole repair cost less that a fiver so I’m going to cheat and not count that. So, stay tuned for the running (un?) reliability report. Go on, you know you want to. Have another laugh at the expense of a Fiat driver why don’t you…
Well, last weekend was quite a weekend quite frankly. Most shockingly I’d been accused of being a sexist pig by someone who I don’t know let alone even met. Now, as my wife, my friends and anyone who has met me will say that is far from the truth. Call me what you want but I am neither a sexist, nor a pig. On the contrary, I am an incredibly quiet eater. I quite resent it, especially when plastered all over Facebook because this woman couldn’t be bothered to communicate with her husband. But hey ho!
On the same day, I also had to bid a fond farewell to an old friend. A rather fine, trusty and faithful friend. It has been a grand six and a half years. Sadly and quite worryingly, I’m talking about a car. Its name? Fiat Stilo Active 16v to be precise. Our trusty steed that got us wherever we wanted to go. It got us from Cornwall to Liverpool, Manchester, Nottingham, Middlesbrough, Newcastle and Scotland without a worry or issue apart from a coil pack breaking down. Once. It still got us to our destination.
It kept my long-suffering wife Jayne safe from harm when needed. It was used as a workhorse. It got used as a loan car by family members and friends when needed. It was also used as our posh car (our other car, a Corsa, can never be described as such) that we wanted to get noticed in. And last but most important – we were to bring our newborn son home from the hospital in it. That never happened as we never left home as our son decided to make an early appearance at home. And he’s been in the car a maximum of five times. And unfortunately that was the main reason for selling it. It’s not practical anymore. We need something with more doors. We need something more practical. Now don’t worry, I’m not on my way to buy an MPV, my life is far from over and as such am not requiring one just yet. Especially not one of those fucking Scenic bollocks things or one of dem well phat Shitroen Picasso pieces of wank stain.
But back to the Stilo. Apart from the usual jibes about it being a Fiat, no one that’s been in it has had a bad word to say about it. Which has made me glad in a way as if other people other than me like it, it goes to prove that the Stilo is in no way as bad as people will have you believe. Far from it. Other than largely wear and tear stuff, not much was replaced. It’s the best kept secret in the motoring world, just don’t tell everyone how good they really are. In my eyes at least, as a car it shouldn’t be in front of the firing sqiad just yet.
So what’s come up as its replacement? Well, the first option was to go down to being a one car family. That doesn’t work. So in the mean time, whilst we wait for the Corsa (and God am I waiting, as that will be replaced by something top notch and hopefully Italian) to expire and child number 2 to appear, the Stilo has been replaced by something Italian again. The Lancia Delta I wanted was sold before I got a chance to say Lancia Delta. I wanted a break from Alfas as repairing it would mean going to my old place of employment, which ain’t happening. So it’s another Fiat. A 2001 Punto 1.2 finished in Astral Blue to be precise. It’s nothing special. It’s a basic, poverty spec Punto with black bumpers and some seats. It’s not going to win any races or awards for best equipped car in the land. But it looks smart and drives well. Stay tuned for its first breakdown…
Whilst I still have the chance to do so I shall continue my oversupply of blog writing that no-one wants to read. And for this entry I shall return to the world of music and for what I see as one of the best pop songs ever written, and for that I will accept no argument. The song – Getting Away With It by Electronic.
Electronic started out as a solo project for Bernard Sumner as he was frustrated with New Order’s lack of reception to his synth and programming ideas. Deciding not to go it alone, he but enlisted the help of Johnny Marr (The Smiths) with whom he had previously worked. Signed to Factory Records, who Sumner was already signed with New Order, the first creation of their collaboration was Getting Away With It.
It was released in 1989, a full 18 months before the debut album. It was written by Sumner, Marr and Electronic’s occasional collaborator Neil Tennant (Pet Shop Boys). Sumner and Tennant wrote the words, Sumner and Marr wrote the music. It received critical acclaim and was certainly popular, selling around a quarter of a million copies on its initial release. There were many versions of the song on a multitude of formats – different 7″ and 12″ vinyl versions and CD versions were available with remixes and instrumental takes of the song, scattered here and there. Two different videos were made, once of which you can watch at the bottom of this page. Don’t go there just yet, I haven’t finished boring you! Get back here! Thankyou.
With lead vocals sung by Bernard Sumner and backup vocals from Neil Tennant, it is quite a simple song with a piano and synthesized bass intro with live drums kicking in a moment later. Johnny Marr adds a lovely bit of understated rhythm guitar, and also gives us a rare guitar solo. The production is very glossy and is pretty typical of late 1980s/early 1990s. There’s also a full orchestra on the record, conducted by Art of Noise’s Anne Dudley. It has to be said though that the song and its sound has dated very well indeed.
It’s also got pretty dry lyrics too. As mentioned previously they were written by both Sumner and Tennant, but the story goes is that they are an attempt to parody the public persona of Marr’s old musical collaborator, good old fun-loving, smiley-smiley Morrissey.
So, we’ve established that it’s a pretty simple pop song with simple ingredients and dry lyrics. But that’s what makes it so compelling. I’ve played this song so many times since I first heard it and I have never, ever grown tired of it and never likely to. The verses are memorable and the chorus makes you want to play the song over and over. Which I do, probably to the annoyance of everyone around me but I’m not particularly arsed about that. Listen to it once and I defy anyone who won’t sing along with this song, or have at least the chorus stuck in their heads for weeks, maybe even years after. I still am twenty years after I first heard it.
The version to listen to is the original version. Don’t bother with the remixes, although the instrumental version is good to just hear the music. Original is best, so here it is ladies and gentlemen (why I’ve pluralized there I don’t know, that should read “so here it is my one regular reader”), the video for Getting Away With It. Enjoy…
Sometimes my job is just that – a job, a means to end which results in a pay cheque the end of every week serving as a reminder of how comparatively low my wages are and how much the tax man takes off me. The remaining amount gets swallowed up by keeping a roof over my head and paying various but ultimately necessary bills.
There are days when it is nothing but paper work and sitting at the desk answering such inane questions as “why has my engine blown up? I know it’s got no oil in it but I didn’t think that would cause a problem”.
However, other days are just perfect. I would normally say that would be a day off, but on this particular day it would be because I was behind the wheel of a 1974 Fiat 124 Spider for quite some time. And, I will accept no arguments on this, it is prettier than its Alfa Romeo Spider rival.
Launched in 1966 at a time where Fiat would make a boggo spec saloon car and make sports alternatives from them, the Spider was one of two spin-off models, the other being the Sport Coupe. The Spider, in typical Italian fashion, was both styled and manufactured at one of the great styling houses – Pininfarina. Production ended in 1985, the last three years the car was badged as Pininfarina and not Fiat.
Engines installed would be the celebrated range of Fiat twin cam engines, designed by ex-Ferrari engineer Aurelio Lampredi. The Lampredi-designed family of engines would remain in production well into the 1990s and a version of this engine could be found in the Lancia Delta Integrale.
The car I’ve driven belongs to where I work. It’s an ex-Californian import which has had a right hand drive conversion. This meant it was pretty free of rust. The engine fitted to the car I drove was the 1438cc twin cam which develops 96bhp which sounds as daunting as a plate of salad by modern standards, but was perfectly acceptable in 1966. This is mated to a slick five speed gearbox and sweet handling from its rear wheel drive set up. It’s had a photographic rebuild and feels tight and taut.
The Spider made a decent case for itself at the time with its road manners. Reports at the time tell how it was respected in the same breath as rivals from Alfa Romeo and Porsche, only being a humble Fiat cost a lot less. Now I’ve driven a few of the cars that were rivals at the time, so I can gauge the competition. Its chief British rival was the MGB, which I’ve driven in coupe GT form and roadster form. This is a car which has all the dynamic abilities of a drunken woodlouse, and later so-called rubber bumper models handle like a hippopotamus on ice. On the other side, the Triumph Spitfire had all the performance of an asthmatic fat man.
Now as we know, old cars will always be beaten dynamically by more modern cars. It’s simply progression – improvements through the years. The Spider does feel quite dated in comparison with newer machines but even now still makes a decent case for itself. It’s not fast and it’s not Lotus Elise precise but still feels quite nimble, balanced and certainly enjoyable. The gearchange is fantastic, except for reverse. The brakes felt reassuring, in small part due to having disc brakes all round but mainly due to needing a complete overhaul before I took it out on the road!
Sure, it has its flaws, like nearly every car I like. For instance, it has a very Italianate driving position. That means long arms, short legs – you have to be shaped like an ape to drive it. The glovebox is suitable for one glove, the sunvisors are useless and getting into reverse gear is an arse. The steering is a little vague, probably due to this particular car being ex-Californian and having a right hand drive conversion.
However, these flaws really, really don’t matter. It’s easily pretty enough and the interior stylish. The engine is such a gem, it pulls well and sounds fantastic all of which add up to make the driving experience so entertaining. Especially on this particular day, sun out, roof down, shades on and the Cornish roads. After driving so many modern cars – some excellent, some average and some terrible, I’ve driven some old cars that I really like only to come away totally disappointed. To be honest I’d still love the 124 if it drove like a horse and cart. But thankfully it didn’t disappoint and doesn’t drive like a horse and cart, it’s a truly entertaining car. I love it even more.
The current Fiat Bravo is a vastly underrated car and has sold about three since it was launched back in 2007. It replaced the Stilo, which itself replaced the outgoing Mk1 Bravo. Confused? You should be, as the current Bravo is basically a reskinned Stilo.
Fiat wanted to distance themselves from any association from the Stilo as essentially the car was a failure. It fell criminally short of any of its sales targets, the five door looked like the inbred sister of the family and had the alleged driving dynamics of a pissed newt. The proper performance version arrived three years too late and by the end of its life, the model range was a mess. So on the success of the Panda and Grande Punto, Fiat brought us a new car, reverting back to the Bravo name and styled in the same vein as Grande Punto but with overtones of the old Bravo. And I think Fiat have been pretty successful. The rear end is probably the best view, that being the most obvious link to the old Bravo.
Engines wise, originally a choice of normally aspirated and turbo charged petrol engines were available and a brace of diesels. The diesels are pretty decent machines – currently available are a 1.6 and 2.0 turbo diesels but as I’ve no real interest in diesels I’ll ignore they exist altogether and concentrate on the petrol variants instead.
The normally aspirated petrol lump develops 95bhp and is similar to that fitted in the old Stilo. It’s underpowered in a car of this size, but is still a gem of an engine. It’s free revving and makes you feel you are going quicker than you really are. You need to stir the gears quite a bit with the lack of grunt but thankfully the six speed manual box has a sweet, slick operation. The other petrol units included the T-Jet engines in 120bhp and 150bhp tune and to be honest the gain of the 120 over the normally aspirated unit wasn’t worth the extra outlay. The 150 lump, however, similar to that used in the Abarth 500 and Alfa Mito is a fantastic engine that pulls well, revs cleanly and sounds good. It’s good for o-60 in around 8 seconds and a top speed of 135mph. It’s not a hot hatch, but it’s a good attempt at a warm hatch with relatively good fuel economy.
Now, being a Stilo owner and knowing the driving dynamics of the car, I was keen to see what the Bravo would be like considering it essentially uses a lot of the same oily bits. The first thing that is noticeable is what and improvement the electric power steering is. There is still an air of vagueness about it, like on most electric units, but the turn-in is sharper and generally feels beefed up. Cornering is much tauter and the car feels much stiffer and much more firm, though on the flip side of that the ride remains very pliant on all but the most potholed of surfaces, even with the low profile alloy wheels fitted.
The original Bravo from the nineties suffered from a few reliability glitches if the car wasn’t maintained well but the main achilies heel was the quality of the interior. Or lack of it. I’ve seen tracing paper with more resilience to falling to bits than the interior of old Bravos from personal experience, and this is one area the Stilo improved on. However, whereas the interior of the Stilo is nice, to be honest it is pretty dull. The interior of the new Bravo seems to be screwed together well and it looks fantastic, especially in Sport trim as featured in this test car with its part cloth part alcantara seats and red stitching.
If I have any gripes with the car is, like the Stilo a lack of a foot rest for your clutch foot. Whilst I’m nitpicking, the speedo can be obscured by the steering wheel at certain angles, the under-leg support on the front seats could be better and room in the back is compromised. It seems a shame that after the packaging miracles of 1980s Fiats such as the Uno and Tipo where there were so much room for the size of car that Fiat can’t seem to follow the trend with their latest mid-size offerings. Some families do need to carry more that just amoebas in the back.
Equipment levels are generous with even the most basic of models getting electric windows, remote central locking, six airbags, electric heated mirrors, CD player and air conditioning as standard. Move up the range a little and the model driven here gets cruise control, leather steering wheel and gearknob, sports seats, spoiler, side skirts, low profile alloy wheels and MP3. Move on up further and you can specify Bluetooth connectivity, tinted windows and much more besides.
The car I have been driving around in and the one photographed here is a 1.4 normally aspirated Active Sport. So, engine wise, pretty much the same as my 1.4 Active Stilo. And all I can tell you is that is so much better than the Stilo in the way it looks, feels and drives. I like this car. I like it a lot. And to be honest, I’d rather save myself a few quid and have one of these instead of the new Alfa Giulietta.
So out of a possible hundred it scores 72. The Stilo itself is not as bad a car as the general motoring press would have you believe – I know, I’ve had one for close to six years and I love it. However, the Bravo takes what the Stilo has and makes a pretty good job of it. True, it has shortcomings – it could have more room in the back, the footwells are cramped and some of the instruments can be a bit hard to read. But it’s possible to overlook these in the fact that it’s a fine looking car, an entertaining drive and easy to live with.
Vauxhall have confirmed that they will be launching a Fiat 500 and Mini-rivalling city car. Now, I do like the current crop of Vauxhalls. I like the Corsa and love the Corsa VXR, the new shape Astra and the lovely new Astra GTC. I also like the Insignia, it’s a good-looking car, too. The names are generally acceptable, too. Well they were, until that is I’d realised they’d be calling the new city car the Adam.
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