Author: nedwonderluap

>Man to get Asbo for brushing teeth too loudly

nedwonderluap1 Comment

>Well, actually that hasn’t happened yet, but no doubt before long it will.

We wonder why the country is in the economical state that it is in. Perhaps this news headline will go someway to explaining it. “Woman faces trial over noisy sex” on the highly informative and accurate news source MSN. A neighbour complained that a nameless woman called Caroline had been having “loud sex romps” with equally nameless husband Steve.

First off, this neighbour had complained that this noisy wife (a natural thing for a woman, anyway, not just in sex), was far too noisy to which she was issued a Anti Social Behaviour Order. An ASBO that bans her from having noisy sex. In her own home. So, what springs to mind here with Victor Meldrew living next door to Caroline and Steve is probably firstly, Victor isn’t getting any. Secondly, they’re married and still having “loud sex romps”. It’s a bonus surely that they’re married and STILL having sex, and Steve must sure as hell be doing something right for Caroline to be “overly noisy”! Thirdly, Women are noisy – end of, and the better for it. Who wants quietness? And why should a woman suppress her natural urges to express herself in the bedroom? Or indeed for that matter, why should a bloke? Lastly, Vicky Mildew needs to stop putting his glass and ear against the wall – he may hear less. And if you’re that bothered by the noise, do what most neighbours do and turn up the TV.

However, because Caroline could not partake in “quiet sex romps” (damn these pesky “quotation” “marks”), she is now going to face trial at Newcastle Crown Court. Which to me is the biggest waste of taxpayers money I can possibly think of. Not to mention petty and just downright pathetic that it has been allowed to get to trial in the first place. Even an ASBO is pushing it. In the whole scheme of things, it’s a bit silly really.

Now I know my neighbours for instance are the noisiest bunch of bastards I can think of, especially the children, forever shouting the deliciously chavvy names of “Bailey” and “Chelsea” at the topper most of their voices. Should they have ASBOS? No. Should they face trial? No. Should the cretin that decrees it acceptable to operate his car horn at 7AM every bloody morning have an ASBO? Or face trial? No, because, even though it’s fucking annoying, it’s still quieter than the birds that chirp incessantly outside my bedroom window.

So by that token with Caroline going to court, perhaps the birds should also. And at the same time, perhaps I should also be given an ASBO for “playing” bass guitar badly, and playing Beatles, Queen, Iron Maiden, Lightning Seeds and Volbeat records at really high volumes over the weekend.

This news headline comes on the same day that I read another news piece. Spa, an 80 year old race circuit in Belgium, which was around before most of the surrounding housing areas has been declared too noisy by the EU. Or rather when they have classic vintage racers around, the penpushers have been out with the noise meters declaring which vehicles can and cannot race due to “noise pollution”. Things such as vintage Ferraris, Porsches and Jaguars cannot race because they are “too noisy”?????

Stop the world, I want to get off.

>The Lightning Seeds

nedwonderluap1 Comment

>Ok so I will start this blog thing off on a positive note, which seems like the decent thing to do.

It’s been a good couple of years really if you are a fan of the Lightning Seeds, and I’ve made no secret that I’m a huge fan. No, i’m not that big. What I mean is I like Ian Broudie’s music a lot. Probably more than anyone elses. But I’ve been accused of being a bit of a nerd, which is correct I suppose. I do run a website and I do have a large amount of cDs, vinyl and tapes I’ve collected over the last 15 years. I’ve been a fan now since the release of Jollification back in 1994. Jollification is pretty much my favourite album of all time and a landmark album for me as it’s what really got me into music in a big way. It also got me through some personal problems in the 1990s and early 2000’s as the album, despite some of its lyrical content which isn’t jolly when you listen to it, always picked me up and made me feel better afterwards. It’s also the album that I play if I’m stuck for deciding what to play. Which means it’s the most played LP I own. I then started buying the back catalogue and realised I’d heard The Life of Riley before without knowing who it was. I remember seeing the Sense video as a new release on the Saturday morning programme The Chart Show, again not knowing who it was. Same with Pure.

In their heyday they were pretty successful, thanks in no small part to Three Lions. But they were no where near as commercially successful as they should have been or could have been. And although Three Lions is great and one of only two bearable footie tunes (the other being New Order’s World In Motion – big New Order fan too, but this is worth it for John Barnes’ rap!), they’re remembered for Three Lions and not much else. Yet everyone knows a Lightning Seeds song if listened to. They’ve released some of what I personally think are the best singles in the last couple of decades – Pure, All I Want, The Life of Riley, Lucky You, Change, Ready Or Not, Sugar Coated Iceberg, Life’s Too Short. I’d never got to seem them live during this period.

Anyway I digress from the original sentence of it’s been a couple of good years for Lightning Seeds fans. After the LP Tilt from 1999, the Lightning Seeds had been on indefinite hiatus since June 2000. We were presented with a brilliant solo LP “Tales Told” back in 2004 and a handful of gigs in 2006 under the Seeds banner, but nothing concrete as to what would happen next. Last year, a new album was announced and a tour announced. The album, Four Winds, is Broudie in reflective mood but unmistakeably Lightning Seedsy, and the tour went down a storm. Apparently. Because yet again there were obstacles in the way where I couldn’t see them live AGAIN! Balls (or words to that effect) i thought. Then a solo acoustic tour before the end of the year, which, ha ha, I missed! Drat, drat and treble drat. Watching Youtube videos of what you’ve missed is certainly no concellation prize, so after watching two videos I gave up. There was also going to be no word of when there would be another tour, whether it was Ian solo or Lightning Seeds.

So after a cracking Christmas with family staying and spending time with great friends, I had news of a Lightning Seeds tour coming up after Easter. This time, determination came in to play, and my attitude was anything that would get in the way of seeing them at a gig could get fucked. I’d waited 15 bloody years. So I made a phone call to the venue (St. George’s in Bristol) and booked three tickets. Me, the wife and hopefully one of the aforementioned good friends if he could make it. Which he could which was great.

Tickets arrived, ace, brilliant, especially as it was second row and as we found out an excellent view of everyone on stage. So, there we are, good news over Christmas about a tour, and really it was a pretty fucking awesome birthday present from Her Indoors as the gig was only four days after my birthday.

So a fault free trip to Bristol in a Fiat Stilo (don’t act surprised!) which took less than three hours. Found the car park no problem at all but got lost somewhere in Bristol and it took us 3 years to find the venue as we’d taken a wrong turn. Turns out we were pretty much next to it in the first place when we started out! So after finding the venue and memorising it, a trip to Nandos for some much needed food was in order. Which was nice. (To be read in the style of the Fast Show character).

The venue itself was a really intimate affair like a converted church with lots of religiony-type bits everywhere, but looked boss, la. Support act were great, fantastic seeing a double bass in use – used to play one of these (badly) at school. Played for about 30 minutes, then after a short while on came Ian with his son Riley and did a fantastic acoustic rendition of Pure. After a couple of songs, the full band came in and went straight into a blinding version of the Life of Riley.

Other notable things to ramble on about was the nice addition of a string quartet which really added to songs such as Waiting For Today To Happen and Perfect. A couple of songs from solo effort Tales Told – Song For No One and Smoke Rings – made a very welcome appearance, the latter with a groovy banjo-come-electric guitar. A fine mix of hit singles such as Change, Marvellous, Lucky You and Sense, coupled to an encore which saw a cover version of the Ronnettes classic Be My Baby, a full electric version of Pure and a singalong to Three Lions made for a great evening.

The only downside to the evening was on the way out of the venue. Really, parking your car in Bristol is like taking life in your own hands. When I remembered where the car was, or should I say when Jayne and Alec remembered where the car was, we then had to battle through what can only described as sixty eight million Emo brats. And here is where the whole story falls apart really, into a rant. I mean, where the fuck do they learn to speak for Christ sake? I heard some of them, and whatever they were speaking it sure as hell wasn’t English. Or at least the some kind of broken English I learnt all those years ago. And since when did the blokes, well I kind of assume they were blokes, wear Jeggings? I also didn’t realise that the latest fashion was to put compact discs in your ear lobes. Then of course, after wading through that ensemble of Emo kids, arriving to the car was another matter. I thought I’d found myself in Turin. The Symphony For Car Horns in B Major was quite uplifting…and bloody annoying. A couple of minutes maybe, but half a fucking hour? That’s beyond the call of duty. As is revving the knackers out of a Peugeot 106 with a small engine. Please, children, sod off home to beds please. Then again I suppose we were all young and dumb once. It just seems that long ago for me, even if it isnt!

Anyhoo, I’ve rambled slightly off topic again, so back on track. With a tour supporting Squeeze this christmas I may well get to see the Lightning Seeds again, especially as there is a date at Plymouth, which is pretty close to home all things considered. It’d be rude and silly not to. It’d also be nice to meet Ian Broudie, even (as corny as it sounds) to thank him for the soundtrack to my growing up. Well, I suppose the jury is still out as to whether I’ve grown up or not. But in short, the concert on the 27th April – those 15 years waiting was certainly worth it.

Until we meet again and the case is sol-ved.

>Introduction

nedwonderluap1 Comment

>Why on earth are you here? Have you nothing better to do that read total and utter inane drivel written by a rotund, greying 28 year old, cynical, sarcastic moronic bastard? No? Oh, alright then.

Now this blog is not here to change the world. I don’t have anything to major to say or any point to make. I will from time to time post odds and sods which will more than likely be irrelevant to anyone that reads it. There may (read will) be rants, an almost diary sort of thing and any random bollocks I see fit to type. This will no doubt be about as interesting as porridge. But without any form of porridge contents within. In fact, the blog should be called “A blog that is as interesting as porridge without porridge. Warning, contains no porridge”. Sorry, i’m rambling. Which is what I do. i ramble on on various different things and get into tangents and also blessed with the attention span of a …. oooh look a squirrel.

As I work in a customer facing environment I may (again, read will) rant about people ranting about their broken cars. Which being an Italian more than likely they will be broken. And tales of members of staff chasing other members of staff across the dealership forecourt with an air rifle. But I shall save that little chestnut for another day.

So, whether it’s something good, such as a concert I attended, an album I haven’t heard in a while or whether it’s my ongoing hatred of hybrid electric cars and Toyotas, the news or even if the toaster is broken if I see fit I’ll write about it.

So, if you’ve got this far in this extremely lame and dull introduction, congratulations and have a cookie. Woopey doo! Stay tuned for the first issue. Someone will need to be as I won’t be. The excitement will be too much for me.